Secret #7

I wear my glasses to bed sometimes whenever my imagination runs wild and I freak myself out.

~C.M. xx

Bite

That night is not even a memory
All the words we spoke
All has been revoked
Only empty air passed between our lips
A lie
I was alive once
A boy brought me back to light
He brought me back to hope
But everything came back to bite

(How's that for angst?)

~C.M. xx

Take this pink ribbon off my eyes

This is something I wrote while I was recovering from heartbreak in the summer. Not sure where I was going with it. Suggestions, maybe?
________________________

The sky was a deep, far-away orange. The rain poured like never before. Relentless. Just yesterday it was sunny and hot. No wind disturbed the late-blooming June bugs. Tonight, however, we were warned by the weather girl to keep out mattresses on stand-by in case of a tornado. Texas weather is never very stable. Neither are the people.

I turned away from the kitchen window and contemplated a cup of coffee. I decided against it due to the wretched humidity. I half-hoped I wouldn't have any uninvited guests stopping by while at the same time realizing that I rarely got visitors any way. A wry smile crept along my face. I often though somber thoughts but never found them to be all that depressing. Though if I ever confessed half of the morbid things that crawl within my cerebral matter to a therapist I just might have to be committed. That's a joke, mostly.

~C.M. xx

Forcing laughter, faking smiles

Not exactly sure how to start. Well, for one, I'm recovering from being sick. It seems to be just a cold. First it was a sore throat but yeah... ended up getting sick. I thought I was smart. Downing glasses and glasses of orange juice and such. Oh well, I'm not as sick as I could have been so that's good. Why am I rambling so damn much about me being sick? Maybe it's because I'm sick. Maybe.

The semester is over. Already? Yeah, I know. I actually am going to miss community college. I may end up having to go back if I still can't afford university, but... I really did like it there. I mean, I made FRIENDS. People from my classes added me on Facebook. That's.. almost never happened since high school. Community college is so much more laidback and fun. I'm really glad to have had that experience. I really needed a change of pace, to meet new people.

Things seems to have been fairing better as far as my mood and mental well being are concerned. I think I might have a shot at really, truly liking myself. Does that sound corny? Probably, but it's the truth. I'm learning to let go. To not be so hard on myself. I'm feeling so much more positive about life. Hopefully this lasts a good while and nothing messes up my "groove" so to speak.

Zomg, guys! It's Christmas time. :) I'm actually pretty excited about Christmas. A few months ago I was pretty bummed about spending it as a single gal, but it might not be so horrible. I can't wait to see my cousins! I've seen quite a bit of them this year, but it'll be even better to end the year hanging out with them. I never tire of 'em. Yay! I also don't have any plans for New Year's Eve but I'd really like to go to a party. We shall see I suppose?

I bought some t-shirts from Threadless. I'll be showing them off soon because they're like badass and shit. Keep and eye out for it. Yeah. Also, Lila and I recorded a podcast a couple of weeks ago (and then we decorated her Christmas tree! FUCK YEAH!). You can listen HERE. Oh, and last week I went to see Burlesque with Lila. The movie was horrible but Dalila told me it was the hottest date she's ever been on. TRUE STORY. Be jealous.

S'all for now. Leave me comment and stuff. It makes me feel luffed! :3

~C.M. xx

If we met tomorrow for the very first time

"For a long time I was in love. Not only in love I was obsessed with a friendship that no one else could touch. It didn't work out, I'm covered in shells. And all I wanted was a simple thing, a simple kind of life. And all I needed was a simple man so I could be a wife. I'm so ashamed, I've been so mean. I don't know how it got to this point.." - "Simple Kind Of Life", No Doubt

Never did I think that this song would ever be relevant to me. Life is crazy like that, huh?

~C.M. xx

Secret #6

There was a secret number five, but I deleted it because I had twisted it out of a bitter and sad demeanor. Carry on.

~C.M. xx

May angels lead you in...

I'm not entirely sure how to start. Should I start by saying that I lost both of my grandmothers this year? And here I was, hoping that 2010 would be great but it's even more horrible than 2009 was.

You might have seen me update my Facebook status regarding my maternal grandmother's death. For some reason I was expecting a tad more support, but honestly, what was I expecting? It's Facebook. And nothing makes people more awkward than death... and one's first experience with lovemaking, but I digress. (If you were wondering, yes, that was a pathetic attempt at humor. Even when my eyes are red and watery I use that damn shield. At least I'm consistent?)

My grandma is the woman sitting down and smiling in the upper left-hand corner. The little girl in the right hand corner is my mommy.

My grandmother, Carmen, passed away yesterday afternoon. I wasn't immedietely stricken with grief... My grandmother had been sick for awhile now and though my parents like to "protect" me like a 5 year-old and didn't really let me know anything I still knew that she wasn't doing well. A few weeks ago, I suppose I prepared myself. We were visiting her in the hospital and I noticed a plastic, purple bracelet on her wrist. "DNR". Do not resuscitate. That made me sad. I nearly cried there, but I didn't. Actually, I haven't let myself cry yet over her death. Things kind of happened quickly after that. We got the call about my grandmother passing while my parents and I were at my great aunt's house. For some reason, I felt like making a cake. My great aunt has a nice kitchen and always has kitchen staples at hand. Just as I was about to start I heard my mother in the living room talking to my uncle on the phone... He gave her the terrible, yet expected news... Soon after there were tears from my mother, and my great aunt. I was instructed to go ahead and make the cake since we'd probably be having company over soon. Is that what's normal? People come over to eat after there's a death in the family? Anyway, it gave me something to focus my attention on. What good would it be for me to cry and be a mess when my mother, with blood shot eyes sniffled and compulsively straightened up the house? I didn't want to make her cry more.

I didn't think too hard about it when everyone showed up, but seeing glimmers of my family's grief did make my throat tighten painfully. Especially when my cousin, Jimmy started to get emotional. It took a lot for me not to cry. Maybe my behavior will be different at the funeral, but honestly I'm not sure that I want to let anyone see me cry... I hope that my parents or anyone else don't think that I'm heartless. I simply love them so much and I want to be there for them.

My grandma and my mommy.

I hate that I can't remember much about my grandmother before her Alzheimer's started to affect her. I remember little things here and there. Hell, I spent a week with her when I was 12 and the most that I remember is that she cursed occasionally. I thought that was badass, to be honest. And funny. She had a really cute laugh though. I loved hearing her laugh. It always made me smile, even if I had no idea what the hell she was laughing at. I'm really glad I got to say goodbye to her as I didn't get to speak to my paternal grandmother before she passed. I hadn't seen her in 17 years...

I'm gonna leave you all with something really cliched and stupid, but bear the fuck with me because I'm actually starting to fucking cry. Life really is short. It's foolish to stay mad at anyone... It's foolish not to tell someone you love them if that's how you feel. It's foolish to live like you'll always have another chance to say the right thing or to make things right. Maybe you won't. I'm not saying that you should live everyday like it's your last and blow your student loan on a fucking Ferrari or anything... but perhaps we can just enjoy each other a bit more? Be more tolerant? Something like that...

~C.M. xx

They don't know the truth

It seems that I'm always eating when I blog... Right now I've just finished off a grilled chicken sammich. YEAH. Katy Perry is blasting right now, so that's only slightly less emo than what I was playing earlier... which was Jimmy Eat World. I love them, by the way.

Speaking of love... I've been pretty lonely as of late. It's lame. Fucking lame. I'm not one of those girls who like being an "independent woman". When "Single Ladies" comes on, I do NOT dance. Though, if you like it I STRONGLY suggest you put a ring on it. xD I really did dislike being alone on Halloween, and as stupid as it is... I don't want to spend Guy Fawkes day alone either. xD Honestly, you don't have to remind me how pathetic I am. I'm fully aware of this. I mean... I'm searching for a new damn gym bag right now during the official start of my weekend. Social life FAIL.

There are a couple things I'm looking forward to though. One being the arrival of my t-shirt from this place called 6 Dollar Shirts. I've lurked around their site for ages but I've been too scared to buy anything. As the name suggests, all their shirts are around $6. Sounds like a great deal, right? And if you buy 10 of them they knock $10 bucks of the price so you end up paying $50 for 10 shirts. So, I ordered just one for now to test the quality and I'll probably even post a review here. Yay? Sort of.

Also, I really need to get out of the house so this weekend I might go out to see what's going on at the Major Leauge Gaming event and might go to Sonicon... by myself. ~.~" And those of you who are fans of Less Than Three, the geeky, gossipy podcast Dalila and I run.. well, we're getting around to recording another episode. We promise!

Oh yeah, I forgot to post the link to the blog where you can see the posts I made for my school's newspaper's blog the other night from the watch party. If you're interested in reading them you can go to the Et Cetera Blog.

That's all for now. New post in a few days... or tomorrow.

~C.M. xx

I'm no longer your muse

FIRST POST OF THE MONTH, FUCK YEAH. I'm feigning most of that enthusiasm, just so you know. Right now it's pretty damn cold, but I might just be saying that because I'm wearing a really thin hoodie. But it's a badass hoodie... I got it for $13 so I was pretty damn psyched about that.

Rounding back to the weather, it's been cold and rainy since yesterday, which has sucked. Mostly because, well... the better part of ya'll know from my Twitter or Facebook feeds (Or possibly even FourSquare), I was assigned by my journalism professor to cover the Republican watch party which was at a super-swanky hotel. I think it's rather obvious that I'm not really a person who would agree with most of the Republican's agenda, so... it was an experience. I had to live-blog from the watch party. I got a press badge and everything. It was actually kind of exciting. A long time ago I wanted to pursue a career in journalism, but luckily that fire burned out before last night when I learned that I am so not cut out for that kind of life. Talk about a fish out of water. Sheesh. The food was... FREE and amazing. I had a tiny key-lime pie! So cute! So yummy! From what I heard from my classmates assigned to go to the Democratic watch party there was NO free food whatsoever, much less cute or yummy food. Oh, another funny thing, I was advised by my professor to dress up nicely since I was assigned to the Republicans. I busted out the big guns. xD Pantyhose, skirt, cute-ass suede wedge heels. THE. WORKS.

 See?

 I

 Proof of tiny pie.

How did you guys' Halloweens go? Mine SUCKED. Like the actual 31st of October sucked a lot. I was stuck with my parents for most of the day and I was out of town so I couldn't meet up with any friends or anything like that. I wasn't sure of when we were gonna head back home either so I wasn't able to let my cousin, Becca-chan, know if I could hang out. Anyway, the party she threw was alright. I probably would have had more fun if I was the smoking or drinking kind. I hadn't realized that about 95% of the other guests do partake in either, so I was kind of "left out" so to speak, but I did have fun watching Angry Video Game Nerd videos on the computer with my cousin Jimmy and honorary family member, Roland. I did get kind of hit on, I think... It was.. a bit unsettling. Basically this guy propositioned me, asking if I wanted to have sex. When I laughed nervously and declined he said, "Ah, I'm just fucking with ya!" and guffawed. Yes, guffawed. I wasn't too sure of what to make of it. SIGH!

I got this fortune in a cookie today...

It says, "A new relationship is about to blossom. You will be blessed". Hopefully that's a relationship between me and A FUCKING JOB, yeah?

I guess that's all for today. New post in a few days.

~C.M. xx

Sometimes goodbye is a second chance

Wooot. So, Halloween is this weekend and instead of going to the gay block party tomorrow night (it'll probably be freezing but FABULOUS!) I will be attending my cousin's Halloween party. Yay! She's super excited about it. She's been preparing forever. I'll get to meet some new people, so... huzzah? If I hadn't mentioned it before, I'm going as Velma Dinkley from Scooby Doo. I'll actually have to snatch up a wig before I head over there and I'm hoping that it won't be too big of a hassle. If anyone has Halloween plans on Sunday night, let me know maybe?

Right now I've just downed some shrimp-flavored ramen in an attempt to warm myself up and to appease my hungry innards. Seems to be doing the job. :D Hmm, today my mother dragged me to go shopping for new tops because she's apparently tired of seeing my faded and ill-fitting repertoire. Clothing at the mall SUCKS. Just plain sucks. Maybe it's because I'm plus-fucking-size but the selection was pretty horrible. I left the mall with cute pairs of socks, a new billfold, cheap makeup brushes and two cute cardigans. NO TOPS. Oh well. I think I'll just buy some shirts off the internet and be awesome like that. Yeah.

You know who's birthday it was yesterday? It was my lovely-ass podcast partner, Lila's 21st! Yay! I went to the mall with her and Jenn and we ate dinner there. Lila had a pink cocktail. She's usually a fountain of comedic GOLD but she was just spouting off hilarious lines like crazy yesterday. Like this one, which shall remain my favorite Lila quote of ALL TIME: "That's why I keep myself busy. I don't wanna get bored and lose my virginity." I got her this shirt and I also got her cupcakes from Dimples! You don't have to say it. I know I'm an awesome-ass friend. ^.^

Oh, and GUESS WHAT. If you know my parents, you generally know them for being rather overprotective of me. On that note, they usually don't let me drive alone, but now that I have my LICENSE, my dad let me drive all by my lonesome to Lila's house and back. I know it's pretty sad to be saying that at 20, but it was awesome. I listened to the loudest, angriest, dirtiest punk rock I have on my iPhone. xD

I might have had other things to say, but I've forgotten them for now and my headache is slowly creeping back. I have blogs to read and Glee to watch. Have an awesome weekend and a spectacular Halloween!

~C.M. xx

...

It doesn't matter because at the end of the day you both sleep alone...

~C.M.

I wanna feel attractive today

So I have a little, very personal story I want to share with you. I hadn't planned on disclosing any of this information because frankly, I was a little embarrassed... but I've never really taken myself all that seriously and why should I now? I need humor in my life because I'm so damn sad and empty all the time. So, how about we laugh at me for a little bit? :)

As most of you know, I've been single since early June. I'd like to say it was completely out of the blue, but I think some part of me felt it looming for awhile. Anyway, the details are irrelevant. What is relevant is that I was and maybe still am a horrible, almost laughably terrible jilted mess. And I'm lonely. So, late one night not too long ago I was watching cable television at my great aunt's house. I think I was emotionally cutting at the time by watching some wedding show on the We Network or whatever the hell it's called when a commercial came on for eHarmony. Are you gasping yet?

Now, let me make this clear. I'm not ready to start a new full-blown relationship AT ALL. If anything I'm terrified of commitment. I don't think I could be physical with anyone new right now. I'm simply not ready. But... I was curious. I haven't been single since high school. I wanted to know how well this eHarmony shit worked and what kind of guys are out there. That was a stone I should have left unturned and left the fuck alone.

After what seemed like hours of filling out the questionnaire, I finally set up my "profile". I didn't even bother to write out my whole location because I wasn't taking it all that seriously. In one of the profile, "tell us about you" sections I wrote a description of myself and might have used the word "fuck" in there. Later on I got a stern email from eHarmony that my description was deleted for MY protection becuase of inappropriate language or whatever and it also seems that I violated the terms of service by cursing. What the hell ever.

So, I finally started getting my matches in. If you're wondering what kind of guys are out there to date, I will tell you what there is. DOUCHE. BAGS. I was reading one guy's profile and he seemed nice until I got to the section that asks which books you have read recently. His answer? TWILIGHT. Twilight? Seriously? You know how to attract jailbait ass? You tell them you've read Twilight recently and you love it. Not only did this guy claim to have read Twilight, but also all the other books in the series. This guy was just looking to get laid.

All of my other "matches" were nice enough, I guess but they all had at least one strike against them. Most of them wanted a "fun, outgoing girl who won't bitch at me for playing Duty all day and makes me sammiches". I'm paraphrasing of course. Doing this eHarmony thing has made me realize that I'm kind of picky. I never thought myself to be, but it's apparent now. I've since abandoned eHarmony and never plan on returning to that chamber of romantic horrors...

~C.M. xx

Secret #4

I've wanted to pursue a career in comedy since I was very young, but have never thought I was funny enough to make it far. Careers in comedy I've dreamed of having include stand-up comedienne and SNL cast member.

~C.M.

(Click here to read my other secrets)

Fairies, Crows, and Other Things That Fly

I didn’t see you come in.. I was too busy scribbling away in my journal, quietly concocting a simple story for future abandonment. Wednesday evening chatter buzzed around me, so did the clicking of keyboards the ring of the cash register and whirr of the espresso machine. You sat across from me, but I didn’t realize who you were and I didn’t really care. Seats were a rare thing in the coffee house and I was quite accustomed to being close to strangers. Finally, I paused to adjust my necklace and rose my gaze to meet yours. And there it was. That dreadful fluttering feeling you gave me as a child. You grinned and I nearly blushed.

“Hi,” You uttered.

I blinked a few times, released my necklace and shut my journal.

“Hi,” I squeaked back.

You pointed at a drink on the table that had appeared near me. You said you bought it for me and hoped that I still liked my coffee with cream and sugar. I smiled and thanked you for it. Soon afterward you engaged me into a conversation. It was normal, grown-up gibberish with polite questions. Then, you pulled a book from your messenger bag. It was my book, the one I wrote. You said that it was great, causing me to smile slightly. You continued, telling me how the main character reminded you of someone. Then I really did blush… I had hoped that you wouldn’t come across that publication. I started to stammer and clutch my necklace. As calmly as I could, I asked,

“W-Who? Who does he remind you of?”

You pointed a finger to your face, “Me.”

A part of me wanted to condemn you for being so conceited. To call you foolish for thinking that after so much time apart I’d waste my time to write about you. But you were right… He was you and you were the inspiration of that story. I lowered my head and smiled somberly,

“What gave it away? The long hair? Lanky frame?”

You smiled back, but much more warmly, “Well, that helped… but I think that it was his struggle to fill a void and his random hook-ups with younger gals.”

I blinked, not sure of what to say. I took a sip of my coffee, that was perfectly sweetened, and quietly shifted in my seat. You leaned forward and your vintage leather jacket groaned with the movement.

“Rachel, let me take you to dinner.”

I laughed involuntarily and then slapped my hand over my mouth. I then mumbled an apology before you told me you were serious. Suddenly, my phone went off. I asked you to excuse me as I answered it. It was an automated message from the phone company, complaining in a cheery voice that I hadn’t paid the bill on time. I talked back to the auto-nagger as if it was a friend of mine, stressing that I’d be there soon and I’d see them in awhile. I hung up, stuffed my things in my bag, thanked you for the drink and said goodbye. I made it three steps outside before you caught up to me. You gripped my shoulder to stop me and I shivered. I turned and kept my eyes on the sidewalk. I begged you to leave me alone. You tried to lift my gaze by lifting my chin with your index finger but I moved away. I knew better, I knew what you were doing.

“Oh, come on,” You said, trying to downplay your intentions, “Just a dinner?”

I shook my head. You were lying.

“Why now, Jake? I wrote the damned thing years ago… Why now?”

You sighed and put your hands in your pocket, signaling that you were uncomfortable.

“I made a mistake… I realized that I missed you just as much as you missed me.”

I only half listened to what you said as I was going crazy.

“Jake! I was there the whole time! For ages and ages and the moment I try to get away you chase me?!”

For a moment it looked like you wanted to grab my hand.

“Well, I’m here now and I know what I want finally. I know you want me too. I read the way you wrote about me…”

I scowled and readjusted my purse on my shoulder.

“Jake… I wrote that book six years ago.”

“Whatever, Rach, I know feelings like that don’t go away.”

“I’m happy now, Jake. I’m finally happy. Look!” And I shoved my left hand in your face so you could see my gleaming banded ring finger.

You opened your mouth to speak, but I continued, not wanting to lose the momentum of my pent-up aggravation.

“You had your chance. Everyone knew I loved you. Damn it, you knew it and you still fucked with my head! You’d hold my hand, tell me I was amazing then the next day some whore was telling me that you were the best night of her life. I wanted to die, just wither and die. And you knew it, you knew it all along but I was just a play thing. Just something to amuse you and waster your time with.”

“Rachel, I-”

“NO, Jake.. I am through being your stupid Barbie. I left for a reason.”

But you weren’t going to back down. I saw the glint in your eye. Before I knew it you had me by my waist and were shoving your tongue into my mouth. I hit your shoulder and chest furiously, trying desperately to fight my way out of your passionate wrath. You were kissing me harshly and I felt my lip start to bruise. I tried to scream against your mouth, but my words came out mumbled and stifled. As I was trashing about for what seemed like hours, I thought about how my adolescent wish had come true. You were kissing me and saying that you wanted to be with me. Yet, it was all so unpleasant and nightmarish. I wanted nothing more than to disappear. I finally managed a hearty punch to your stomach and you released me. I was panting and you were gasping for breath.

“I. Don’t. Love. You.” I said in broken breaths.

In my delirium and slight exhaustion, I slumped against the nearest wall, watching you slowly rise to your full height. You were wincing and your eyes glimmered with faux tears. How I always hated those.

“If you love this bastard so much… then why are you wearing his ring… and my necklace,” You said, looking down at me.

I was speechless. My hand automatically shot up to my neck. I hated when you were right. It was a simple chain, with a small charm in the shape of a fairy. It was probably the cheapest thing I owned, but at one time it held a world of worth. It meant that you and I had a chance. It meant that I wasn’t just another girl. At least… that’s what I had thought. I scowled and gripped it tightly. I had wished that you would come back to me. Past tense. Had.

I quickly tore it off of me, a few links falling away from me and I stood.

“This doesn’t mean anything to me anymore, neither does that book or you.”

And I threw the necklace onto the street where it awaited the weight of a car tire.

“Jake, I don’t love you anymore. Get over it and grow up,”

I was free, and I think you knew it. I walked a bit closer to you, “Because I have.”

You didn’t say a thing, so I decided to finally say my last words.

“Goodbye, Jake. Don’t ever contact me again and NEVER put your hands on me again.”

And with that, I slapped you across the face. It made a very satisfyingly painful noise and left my hand buzzing. As I walked off I could finally smile because the last tear in your eye was real and even though I had cried so much more, I knew you were hurting, just as much as I had.

I was June and you were my Johnny Cash

Before I get started I would just like to say to all the things and people that have been stressing me out lately: FUCK. YOU. Jesus Christ... Just had to get that out there.

As for stress, I have tons of it. Most of it started Wednesday evening when we learned that my grandmother had broken her hip and was sent to the hospital to await surgery. Yes, this is the same grandmother who had a mini-stroke about a week or so ago. :/ To be honest, I was surprised that my grandma had broken her hip. Most of you might think that's fairly normal for an 80+ year-old woman... but my grandmother is like no other. She's STRONG. She's fallen countless times over the years and never never broken anything. At least, not that I can remember. Either way, this news made my mother very upset. There was crying, per usual. You'll be happy to know that my grandma made it out of surgery "like a champ." See, ma? Everything turned out just fine.

Another stress-inducing thing in my life is my journalism class. A lot of times I forget that I don't need that damned class to graduate, but I still end up taking it seriously... Almost more seriously than I have any other friggin' class. It's ridiculous, but I digress. This week we're allowed to come up with our own topics for stories, and with all the sleep deprivation, and traveling to and fro looking for a fucking used car for days all my neurons are on strike. Honestly, I've been in the crabbiest mood today. So, you can imagine why selecting a relevant topic has been a bit of a challenge for me. Luckily I've come up with a couple. Sent them off to the professor now I just wait for the damn green light so I can procrastinate and do my story last minute.

Some good news, though... I passed my fucking road test because I'm a FUCKING CAREFUL DRIVER. Pssshyeah. I have a paper license at the moment and my picture is GOD-AWFUL. I look like a drunk man with a really pretty wig on wrong. >.< I'd rather look like a raggedy prostitute, like on my state ID.

Two awesome things: Mangoes and The Social Network. If you have a chance, pick up a mango and eat it while watching The Social Network. It ought to be rather epic. Possibly. Maybe. Anyway, yes... I did like that movie. I had rather high expectations for it and I was not let down, like I half-expected to. Justin Timberlake can go to hell though. Just saying.

Alright, enough ranting for now. I'm getting the fuck out now. Bai.

~C.M.

A thank you

I almost forgot to show you guys this. It's a cherry kitten bomb. Ha! This rather awesome dude named Christian "The Badass" Gonzalez made it for me. Happy fun time. :3

Ah! Isn't it sweet and... AWESOME? Thank you, Christian. :D

~C.M. xxx

They don't know the truth

Bfhajhdfj, bangs are eating my face. *blows air upward to get her bangs out of her fucking face* Gah, resistance is futile. Quick note, sleepiness is ebbing and flowing right now, so if I fail to make sense we shall blame it on that.

So, I'm not certain if I had mentioned here that I had tentative plans to go to Europe for New Year's/my birthday. Well, if I haven't I just did... and honestly, at the moment it looks like I might bail on those plans so that I might have a better chance of going to COMIC FUCKING CON 2011. Only the most epic geek-fest of all geek-fests. I've tried to figure out how much exactly it'll cost me to go... but it's rather impossible to get any kind of concrete figure. The cheapest round trip ticket I found was around $350 before taxes. Yeah, not really the kind of money I want to be spending when I also have to factor in spending money (if any), hotel, and food. So, my dad says hey, what about going on a train? Okay, fine. I'll try the damn train. You know how much it costs to travel from here to San Diego on a train? THREE-HUNDRED-AND-TWENTY-EIGHT DOLLARS. And it'll take 40 hours to get there. PLUS, the train doesn't run everyday, so instead of leaving the Monday after the convention like I want to, I'll have to wait until WEDNESDAY to leave. GAK. I also have no earthly idea how much tickets are. All I know is that they go on sale November 1st. I tried to get an estimate on how much a hotel will cost and nearly every hotel in San Diego claims it's booked from Wednesday, July 20th, 2011 to Sunday, July 24th, 2011. *epic Paul Rudd head desk* I give up... for now.

Today I hung out with Eddie and Daniel after class. I was immediately accused of being a hipster, much to my dismay. I ate a crappy sandwich too. I'm not sure how that's relevant but let's just say it is. New memes have been created such as "One-balled Armstrong". Honestly, there's nothing much better sometimes then just acting like a complete jackass with friends. Ah, good times. (Your mom's a good time.)

Uh, my Journalism class is slightly kicking my ass, but it keeps me busy. My music class is crap. Ha, oh well? I get out of the house and I attempt to be slightly social. I actually talk to people, it's hella weird.

Okay, I guess I'm getting the hell out. I'm contemplating posting reviews for Glee episodes. Uh, is that something you'd be interested in? Leave me a comment about it if you want. I guess. Uh, bye.

~C.M. xx

Perfect shapes

Okay, okay... I realize my blog titles rarely have to do with my actual blog posts, but honestly, whatever song is stuck in my head is usually the one from which I'll take lyrics from to form the title of the blog post at that moment. So, anyway... I wanted to share my blog stats with you because they kind of confused the hell out of me.

 (Right click, open in new tab to enlarge)

Not sure  how well you can see it, but I had 22 page views from the US, 2 from Canada... and 12 from... Poland? How do people know about my sad little blog in Poland? If you're in Poland, give me a shout, yeah? Another thing, a shocking 47% of you are using Internet Explorer to view my blog. Hey, guys... I like you and all... but it's time to make the switch. Download Mozilla Firefox here. Anyway, just wanted to show you that. Later, bros.

~C.M. xx

Like there was nothing wrong

My trip out of town was surprisingly short. Just a note, I'm terribly sleepy at the moment, but I thought I should crank out a blog just so that I feel that much less crazy. I've had one and a million "philosophical" thoughts since last night. My mind has grown so poetic that I'm almost sick of it. I narrate my life in my head so eloquently. It makes me want to punch myself. Not literally, but I'm sure you get the idea.

I didn't know my muse would be such a nuisance. I begged for years for it to come back. Now that it's residing somewhere between the hemispheres of my brain, it's a bit annoying. Another, somewhat related thought... I think it's funny how my rational and creative thinking join to make me a writer of realistic fiction. Things that didn't happen, but could. Ha?

Anyway, I didn't get any baking done. I don't like to use my toaster oven for baking cupcakes anymore. The only cupcake pan that fits inside is the crappy aluminum kind that easily loses it's shape. Cupcake nazi, much? Bah. I also wanted to make candy apples because I love them and I'm a little too cheap to get one from the fair, but I haven't had time for that either. *frown*

I've had a real desire to go to a thrift store lately. I think my subconscious is just trying to keep myself busy, which is important when random memories can be triggered at a moment's notice, catapulting me back into the hole I had spent weeks crawling out of. Thanks, subconscious. You're there for me... Unlike my muse that loves it when I'm miserable. BAH.

I had tentative plans to go out today (yesterday, technically), but they were foiled. I'm not going to explain exactly why because... well, because it isn't really important. There's always next week, right? Speaking of, I think I left my pink wig at Lila's house. Well, just gives me a reason to visit her later. She'll break down and say yes to me some day... And when that day comes, geeks' hearts all over the world will shatter. xD

I'm just going to take a moment to remind you that I'm very tired and very sleep deprived... With each word I type I start to regret posting at this hour, but I'm too far gone to stop now. Alright, maybe I can salvage this. I have a picture to show you that made me kind of laugh.

 

Where a simple, "OUT OF ORDER" would have sufficed, someone decided it'd be better to write "DON'T USE ME. I'M BROKEN" on a faulty tampon dispenser, apostrophes in all the right places and all. You and me both, Kotex... You and me both.

~C.M. xx