But I can't handle it when I turn off my night light

I was quite literally terrified. I was so afraid to let anyone in... but you calmed my nerves. You made it seem so easy and painless. I was happy again. Really, truly giddy. But now I feel so alone. Life is gray all over again. Is this all my fault? What did I possibly do wrong? I'm above begging at this point. I'm won't force anyone to stay with me if they no longer want me. I just wonder why and how this happened. Why put so much effort just to let it fall apart in months? And was I wrong to trust you? Was I wrong to shake off the walls I had put up?

-C.M. xx

Baby, if I got you I don't need a parachute

I'm lonely. Again. And I absolutely hate it. You'd think that growing up alone, with no siblings would condition me into always being by myself. It seems like it's almost the opposite. I like to be noticed. I like attention. Now, I'm not saying that I like to be a spectacle or that I like being overdramatic in order to elicit a response... I just like feeling special sometimes. Is that really such a bad thing? Is it selfish of me, or just human?

All I'm certain of is just how shitty I feel. I'm always conflicted. Always at odds with myself. I feel like a brat, and I feel justified. I simply just want hugs and kisses. I want romance. I want a pair of arms to run to when I'm scared, or just when I'm feeling dejected and shunned from the world. I would love to feel safe again.

No one ever said this would be easy.

~C.M. xx