She stood there, eyes starting to brim with her palm out. The torn condom wrapper sat there, unaware of the firestorm I just knew was about to start. What the hell did it care anyway? It already fufilled it's destiny. Fucking wrapper. It's the tell-tale heart, beating madly to the pulse of the vein in my fiancee's forehead. Though, it's not really the wrapper's fault. I should have just thrown it away NOT at home. Suddenly I realized I had spaced out while personifying the trash extended towards my face. Guilt and regret washed over me momentarily before being replaced with dread again.
"What-", she started.
"I..."
She looked away and swallowed with much effort like she'd just ingested a golfball. Lowering her hand, averting her gaze she began again,
"When were you going to tell me?"
"I... I'm horrible. Baby... I..."
Her hands twisted into fists and I flinched as she raised them to her mouth,
"I knew it all along."
"I'm sorry. Baby, you gotta-"
"I always knew you were a sex addict."
I blinked. What. What just. Sex addict?
She started towards me, finally crying and struggling to talk through her small sobs,
"I just want you to know that I love you, and we're going to get you help. Okay, honey?"
She wrapped her arms around my middle and before I knew what was happening I squeaked in reply,
"It's just been so hard."
Was I really saying these words? God, I truly am dispicable. How the fuck did she diagnose me as a sex addict? Should I tell her it was just the one time? Just the one girl? Wait a minute... maybe this is a trap...
She pulled away and looked up at me with teary, sincere eyes, "We have an appointment tomorrow with a therapist. My parents tell me that she's great."
Definitely a trap! Wait, did she just admit that one of her parents is a sex addict? I realized my face was wet too and I wondered where those tears were all stored up.
"Okay, baby. I can't believe you understand."
"Of course I understand," She said with a kiss on the cheek.
I. Am. Horrible.
(And that's all I have for now!)
~C.M. xx
Monday, June 27, 2011
In the sun
It's been like a million years since I've posted. I couldn't even remember the last thing I wrote here. I had to go back and read it. Anyway... How've you been? How are the kids? Y'mind if I get come ice cream? Okay, cool... Is this the drawer you keep your spoons in?
Sorry, I'm hungry. I don't even want ice cream I just want chips and salsa. Speaking of which, remember when I said I wanted to lose 40 pounds? Well, I was doing okay, counting calories, weighing myself daily and shit and then, well I got a job so that's all gone out the window for now. I've no idea how much I weigh but my parents SWEAR I've lost weight. I don't know how. I sit all day and let my mind drift in between helping customers. Oh, and I eat crap for lunch. Chicken nuggets, orange chicken, cheese pizza, iced coffee.. I sell insurance, by the way. If you're wondering what that's like... well it's like selling insurance. I'm not going to admit that I hate the job via the internet, but let's just say that this employment has given me an opportunity to figure out what I REALLY want to do. Which is NOT sell insurance. You know what, I'd be okay going the rest of my life never selling anything for commission again. Money doesn't motivate me much. I have an hourly wage already, telling me that if I shaft this person out of 40 dollars of their hard earned money so that I can get a cut of it won't really make me want to charge them 40... How about 10? Is 10 good? No? I'm fired? Okay.
That's really all I've been up to. I did attend A-Kon this year, and it was a lot of fun actually. I thought it'd be lame with the insane amount of people and the fact that I couldn't go all day because of my new job, but it turned out rather nice. I'm pretty excited for Animefest as well, so yaaaaaaaay. If you're wondering how I'm fairing after another "break-up" well, as you can see I'm feeling dandy and this summer has been tons better than last year's.
Not really much else to report other than I was stricken with the urge to write (FINALLY!) and I'll be posting the little bit of what I have so far in a minute. Oh, I should also REALLY change my layout. Would someone like to assist me?
~C.M. xx
Sorry, I'm hungry. I don't even want ice cream I just want chips and salsa. Speaking of which, remember when I said I wanted to lose 40 pounds? Well, I was doing okay, counting calories, weighing myself daily and shit and then, well I got a job so that's all gone out the window for now. I've no idea how much I weigh but my parents SWEAR I've lost weight. I don't know how. I sit all day and let my mind drift in between helping customers. Oh, and I eat crap for lunch. Chicken nuggets, orange chicken, cheese pizza, iced coffee.. I sell insurance, by the way. If you're wondering what that's like... well it's like selling insurance. I'm not going to admit that I hate the job via the internet, but let's just say that this employment has given me an opportunity to figure out what I REALLY want to do. Which is NOT sell insurance. You know what, I'd be okay going the rest of my life never selling anything for commission again. Money doesn't motivate me much. I have an hourly wage already, telling me that if I shaft this person out of 40 dollars of their hard earned money so that I can get a cut of it won't really make me want to charge them 40... How about 10? Is 10 good? No? I'm fired? Okay.
That's really all I've been up to. I did attend A-Kon this year, and it was a lot of fun actually. I thought it'd be lame with the insane amount of people and the fact that I couldn't go all day because of my new job, but it turned out rather nice. I'm pretty excited for Animefest as well, so yaaaaaaaay. If you're wondering how I'm fairing after another "break-up" well, as you can see I'm feeling dandy and this summer has been tons better than last year's.
Not really much else to report other than I was stricken with the urge to write (FINALLY!) and I'll be posting the little bit of what I have so far in a minute. Oh, I should also REALLY change my layout. Would someone like to assist me?
~C.M. xx
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