I wanna feel attractive today

So I have a little, very personal story I want to share with you. I hadn't planned on disclosing any of this information because frankly, I was a little embarrassed... but I've never really taken myself all that seriously and why should I now? I need humor in my life because I'm so damn sad and empty all the time. So, how about we laugh at me for a little bit? :)

As most of you know, I've been single since early June. I'd like to say it was completely out of the blue, but I think some part of me felt it looming for awhile. Anyway, the details are irrelevant. What is relevant is that I was and maybe still am a horrible, almost laughably terrible jilted mess. And I'm lonely. So, late one night not too long ago I was watching cable television at my great aunt's house. I think I was emotionally cutting at the time by watching some wedding show on the We Network or whatever the hell it's called when a commercial came on for eHarmony. Are you gasping yet?

Now, let me make this clear. I'm not ready to start a new full-blown relationship AT ALL. If anything I'm terrified of commitment. I don't think I could be physical with anyone new right now. I'm simply not ready. But... I was curious. I haven't been single since high school. I wanted to know how well this eHarmony shit worked and what kind of guys are out there. That was a stone I should have left unturned and left the fuck alone.

After what seemed like hours of filling out the questionnaire, I finally set up my "profile". I didn't even bother to write out my whole location because I wasn't taking it all that seriously. In one of the profile, "tell us about you" sections I wrote a description of myself and might have used the word "fuck" in there. Later on I got a stern email from eHarmony that my description was deleted for MY protection becuase of inappropriate language or whatever and it also seems that I violated the terms of service by cursing. What the hell ever.

So, I finally started getting my matches in. If you're wondering what kind of guys are out there to date, I will tell you what there is. DOUCHE. BAGS. I was reading one guy's profile and he seemed nice until I got to the section that asks which books you have read recently. His answer? TWILIGHT. Twilight? Seriously? You know how to attract jailbait ass? You tell them you've read Twilight recently and you love it. Not only did this guy claim to have read Twilight, but also all the other books in the series. This guy was just looking to get laid.

All of my other "matches" were nice enough, I guess but they all had at least one strike against them. Most of them wanted a "fun, outgoing girl who won't bitch at me for playing Duty all day and makes me sammiches". I'm paraphrasing of course. Doing this eHarmony thing has made me realize that I'm kind of picky. I never thought myself to be, but it's apparent now. I've since abandoned eHarmony and never plan on returning to that chamber of romantic horrors...

~C.M. xx