I like to stay positive most of the time. I've spent too much of my life being sad. It's one of the things I realized this summer. Sadness... is silly. I have no real use for it. Life is about being happy. At least, that's how I see it.
Despite all of this, I've been stricken with a dose of what one would call, depression. It's not too severe, just... very annoying. A situation has come up that has urged me to reassess the way I deal with problems that directly affect me. I was hurt recently. I won't say by whom, but... someone who is very near and dear to my heart. They pulled me into a problem, which wasn't really mine to begin with and although I was fine with it, what really upset me is the way I was treated upon our first meeting after the "incident". I was invisible. I was nothing. After everything we'd been through, I seemed to be that disposable. Sitting there, I racked my brain, trying to think of what I had possibly done wrong. I felt terrible.
He has apologized, though... I didn't think the apology was very genuine. It seems like the apology was forced and twisted out of "obligation". Now, the dilemma lies... Am I ridiculous to still be upset? Am I being too dramatic about this? All I know is that my heart was truly broken. And when your heart is broken by a friend, that is when it cuts the deepest.
I do not forgive very easily and at this moment, I am holding two very big grudges. Should I just let my guard down and forgive? Or stick to my guns and stay this way, with one less friend? In my mind, it'd be easier to pretend I no longer cared. But is that necessarily the best thing to do? I still care about my friend, but if I'm so easily thrown away... is it a relationship worth salvaging?
Until later, cupcakes...
-melonXXXcupcake
Despite all of this, I've been stricken with a dose of what one would call, depression. It's not too severe, just... very annoying. A situation has come up that has urged me to reassess the way I deal with problems that directly affect me. I was hurt recently. I won't say by whom, but... someone who is very near and dear to my heart. They pulled me into a problem, which wasn't really mine to begin with and although I was fine with it, what really upset me is the way I was treated upon our first meeting after the "incident". I was invisible. I was nothing. After everything we'd been through, I seemed to be that disposable. Sitting there, I racked my brain, trying to think of what I had possibly done wrong. I felt terrible.
He has apologized, though... I didn't think the apology was very genuine. It seems like the apology was forced and twisted out of "obligation". Now, the dilemma lies... Am I ridiculous to still be upset? Am I being too dramatic about this? All I know is that my heart was truly broken. And when your heart is broken by a friend, that is when it cuts the deepest.
I do not forgive very easily and at this moment, I am holding two very big grudges. Should I just let my guard down and forgive? Or stick to my guns and stay this way, with one less friend? In my mind, it'd be easier to pretend I no longer cared. But is that necessarily the best thing to do? I still care about my friend, but if I'm so easily thrown away... is it a relationship worth salvaging?
Until later, cupcakes...
-melonXXXcupcake
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