I finally remembered what I was going to blog about today. Well, how to start? I'm sitting in my dorm, listening to Feist and... contemplating. I'm a college student. I'm facing debt six months after graduation. So, I wonder... why am I doing this again? It wasn't *really* my choice to go to college, but I suppose I was brainwashed and guilted into it... My parents said that I didn't have to go if I didn't want to.. but I knew... if I didn't they'd be at least a little dissapointed. In my family, it was just assumed I was going to college. I knew how I'd be percieved if I decided not to go. "Pepper's not going to college? But she's so smart!" I might be "smart" but I'm no genius and I'm very lazy.
And of course, everyone tells you that you'll never get a good job, or make money, or live comfortably unless you go to college... So, I went, and here I am. Miserable. I'm not doing very well in my classes. They don't especially interest me. And... I'm struggling to make ends meet. Why did I agree to this? Why was I forced to make such a big of a decision at the ripe age of 17? Why did I have to invest in my very uncertain future? What if college really isn't for me?
This situation doesn't make me happy anymore. College was great... a year ago. I'm so over this now. I feel very defeated just being here. When I'm home.. when I'm with my friends or my boyfriend it feels so much more right. When I'm crafting, blogging, baking or partaking in some photography I feel sane. School brings out the worst in me. So, what do I do now?
It's not that college isn't hard or that it's not challenging enough. I can do it, but I don't want to. Does this make me a bad person? It's not like I party, drink, smoke or anything that a normal college student does. That's not my scene at all... but I don't know. I'm lost. I'm... not so sure about things now. I know what I want in life, but do I have to have a diploma to achieve it? I just DON'T know. Hell, what am I even going to be when I "grow up"? I DON'T know. There's too many ifs and buts here and I don't like it all. I and many of the other 19 year olds out there were cornered into planning their whole life out before even being able to legally buy a nudie magazine.. Something isn't right here.
I'm out like Ellen Degeneres on the cover of Time Magazine, cupcakes. Until later.
-melonXXXcupcake
Hmm, maybe you should take a semester off of schol or even a year to see what fits you best? what's your major btw?
ReplyDeleteLovely, you can do anything you want to do! The world is your cupcake and school is such a drag when one is not interested. I'm going to work on a blog inspired by yours.. I hope you read it?
ReplyDelete*glitter and cupcakes*
Mina Rahnema
sigh, I feel you. I still don't know what I want to do, I dropped out of uni and went to Design school, couldn't get a job so now I am thinking of working up in Nortern Canada, in the Artic circle, they are looking for people to work at their NorthMart, its the walmart of the North. They pay for everything, your flight up, your housing, food.. so why not.
ReplyDeleteand I kinda like being the bohemian that I am