SHIT THAT ANNOYS ME: Nomophobia

Today at school after my BCIS class, which is one of the most mind-numbing courses I've ever taken, I passed by a bulletin board and a report on NOMOPHOBIA was pinned to it. I stopped to skim it. If you're wondering, nomophobia is the faux-scientific term for the fear of losing one's mobile (phone). Silly. After watching Glee and New Girl I stuck around to watch the local news and they did a story (if you can call it that) on this very subject! What a damn coinkidink, y'all. If you'd like to watch it and rot some brain cells and marvel at some of the biggest hair this side of El Rio Grande you can click on this:

CALL ME CRAZY but this all sounds like a bunch of bullshit. If I feel any anxiety over losing my phone it's because 1. it's expensive to replace and mostly 2. it'd upset my parents. My dad's even teased me for having my phone on me all the time. It's his own fault, anyway. My father is MEXICAN and high-strung. He NEEDS to know where I am at all times and freaks out whenever I don't answer my phone. His default thinking leads him to believe I'm in peril at all moments that I'm not within his sight. Oh, and I guess I'm 5 years old too. Bah.

Stay excellent, you guys.

~C.M. xx

SHIT THAT ANNOYS ME: Sandals with ankle warmers

I'm probably not the coolest person out there. Well, that's actually a big understatement. I'm not hip or in. I sometimes might act grandma-ish about new things/trends I don't understand and well, those things might annoy me so now I'm going to bitch about SHIT THAT ANNOYS ME. First up are these sandals with ankle-warmer things on them.

What... What does? Who the? THIS IS FUGLY. I apologize deeply if you have these, and sure you can give me shit about being some narrow-minded, no-style bum but these make no sense to me. What the hell is this? The 1920s? Can't show your ankles lest the townspeople think you a slut!

Oh, come on, really? What the fuck? These would be cool if they were apart of some Star Wars outfit, but that's really the only reasonable situation in which it would be OKAY to don these.

Keep your toes fresh and your ankles nice and toasty. I guess? What baffles me more about these shoes, if you can call them that, is that they've been around for awhile yet people CONTINUE TO WEAR THEM. What exactly is the appeal?

-C.M. xx

It's been a long time since before I've been touched

First post of the month... First post of the fucking YEAR. Yeah. I wish I could say that this post will be epic, but when are my blogs ever anything more than mediocre? At least I'm consistently average. Hey, people pay GOOD MONEY for consistency in their lives.  Well, they probably don't, but people appreciate consistence. Probably.

So, how did you spend your Christmas/New Year's Eve? I spent it with family and friends! Yeah, rather awesome. I got some pretty bitchin' gifts, though I think this year it's only become more obvious to me that I prefer giving gifts to getting them, at least when Christmas is concerned. I also celebrated my 21st year upon Earth's earthy soil. Birthday presents. I love getting them. Perhaps it's because I rarely get them. Since my birthday is so close to Christmas people like to jip me. "Oh, this is for Christmas and your birthday," Pffft. I'm kidding, I know money gets tight around the holidays, so really getting a birthday card would probably make me all kinds of happy. Oh, oreos could be a good gift too. Or cherry lollipops. Just saying.

Did you make a New Year's Resolution? Yeah, I didn't. I couldn't think of a good one and still haven't. Some people have suggested that maybe I resolve to curse less. Ha. Yeah. No. I would like to lose 40 pounds this year, but I haven't done much to reach that goal other than GET DAMN FOOD POISONING ON MY BIRTHDAY. Ugh, spent the morning in the ER because I felt SO miserable. Only recently have I been able to actually eat food without some kind of fear/apprehension. I STILL haven't had any birthday cake, which is honestly the only thing I was looking forward to on my 21st birthday... Psssh, I know I'm lame, you musn't remind me! You know what sounds amazing right now? A Five Guys burger. Yeah, I think my 40 extra pounds and I are going to continue to be joined by the fatty tissue during 2011. Was that a gross image? Sorry.

Well, over the weekend, I went to an audition for an Oxygen reality show from which a new Glee cast member will be chosen. I think I'll make a separate post for that because this one is starting to get kind of long. Is that what she said? It might be. It might be. Okay, I'm out for now. Stay excellent.

~C.M. xx

I wanna feel attractive today

So I have a little, very personal story I want to share with you. I hadn't planned on disclosing any of this information because frankly, I was a little embarrassed... but I've never really taken myself all that seriously and why should I now? I need humor in my life because I'm so damn sad and empty all the time. So, how about we laugh at me for a little bit? :)

As most of you know, I've been single since early June. I'd like to say it was completely out of the blue, but I think some part of me felt it looming for awhile. Anyway, the details are irrelevant. What is relevant is that I was and maybe still am a horrible, almost laughably terrible jilted mess. And I'm lonely. So, late one night not too long ago I was watching cable television at my great aunt's house. I think I was emotionally cutting at the time by watching some wedding show on the We Network or whatever the hell it's called when a commercial came on for eHarmony. Are you gasping yet?

Now, let me make this clear. I'm not ready to start a new full-blown relationship AT ALL. If anything I'm terrified of commitment. I don't think I could be physical with anyone new right now. I'm simply not ready. But... I was curious. I haven't been single since high school. I wanted to know how well this eHarmony shit worked and what kind of guys are out there. That was a stone I should have left unturned and left the fuck alone.

After what seemed like hours of filling out the questionnaire, I finally set up my "profile". I didn't even bother to write out my whole location because I wasn't taking it all that seriously. In one of the profile, "tell us about you" sections I wrote a description of myself and might have used the word "fuck" in there. Later on I got a stern email from eHarmony that my description was deleted for MY protection becuase of inappropriate language or whatever and it also seems that I violated the terms of service by cursing. What the hell ever.

So, I finally started getting my matches in. If you're wondering what kind of guys are out there to date, I will tell you what there is. DOUCHE. BAGS. I was reading one guy's profile and he seemed nice until I got to the section that asks which books you have read recently. His answer? TWILIGHT. Twilight? Seriously? You know how to attract jailbait ass? You tell them you've read Twilight recently and you love it. Not only did this guy claim to have read Twilight, but also all the other books in the series. This guy was just looking to get laid.

All of my other "matches" were nice enough, I guess but they all had at least one strike against them. Most of them wanted a "fun, outgoing girl who won't bitch at me for playing Duty all day and makes me sammiches". I'm paraphrasing of course. Doing this eHarmony thing has made me realize that I'm kind of picky. I never thought myself to be, but it's apparent now. I've since abandoned eHarmony and never plan on returning to that chamber of romantic horrors...

~C.M. xx

Secret #2

I like the smell of a blown-out candle because it reminds me of birthdays.

~C.M.

Secret #1

When I type a blog post... I think about what I'm writing in a British accent.

~C.M.

Sink or swim

I'm not entirely sure how many other people have noticed this, but I think I ought to draw some attention to it anyhow... How many of you have seen this sign?

Now, I'm probably the only one on the planet that has ever given this a second thought... but why do employees have to be reminded to wash their hands? Are these employees incapable of remembering one of the most simple rules of hygenie? Seriously, have you ever stopped to ponder? Reading it again, I'm not sure I wanna be here if people are going to FORGET to wash their hands and shit.  Does it have to specify, "before returning to work"? Hell, I'd make a sign to remind EVERYONE to wash their hands before they do anything! Also, not that I'm anal about cleanliness, but I've been noticing in the women's public restrooms across town, that most women don't really... wash their hands. Sure, they run their hands under the water, slap some soap on, but they don't... wash. I try to make a habit of washing my hands with plenty of soap and lather for at least 20 seconds. I don't just rub my palms together either, I'm washing the hell out of the spaces in between my fingers. If you don't wash your hands properly, I'm not saying that you're a horrible person, but you better get your shit together. You're probably the reason Swine Flu happened. Just saying.